Egor, I enjoyed this article very much and have to say I'm sorry cuz I asked you those questions! But we love you both and always look forward to seeing you and hearing about your new adventures. This article provoked a lot of thought about meeting new people for me. Love ya, Lynn
Both of you, Lynn and Paul, have been very gracious and polite. You have never challenged me with ‘where are you really from’ :-). Thank you for reading! So happy to have you!
Egor, I can relate to both questions and the essence of your post. The first is on account of my visible ethnicity, and the second is the inevitable social and cultural judgment, as you imply. I find the context and the wrestling with the person asking always interesting. Is it a lack of awareness, lazy questioning, or something more sinister behind it? I appreciate how you frame it as maybe a bridge to connection, but it can still be provoking, and the ire is real.
I know I will sit with the question of where is home, and like our identity is its definition, a joint venture?
Jesse, thank you for adding your experience. Most people find the question innocuous and my irritation at it perplexing. But those people typically live in a homogenous circle where everyone shares most characteristics in common except small differences in ancestry. They don’t perceive the question as isolating towards someone with a notable difference. What is home? Who belongs there? Questions with many answers…
This is a fascinating post and one that I have enjoyed reflecting on. I too dislike the “questions”. As Americans, we tend to be very judgmental, and these two particularly, often lead straight to judgments. I know that when I travel and people learn that I am a teacher that their reaction to my answer is very different than it is in the states.
On the other hand, I think these questions say a lot about our collective culture. Folklore says that at Jamestown, John Smith declared, “He that will not worke, shall not eate.” And so, from the beginning, in American culture, what a person brings to the table matters. Like much of our “Protestant” ethic, it is ingrained in our cultural psyche.
As a social studies teacher I do enjoy the answers to these questions. Where we are from and what we do speaks to the concept of place. The rhythm of life of a big city, a company town, a farming community, a small fishing village, provides insight into a way of life and the influences that form us into who we are; or why we resisted?
From my time in the military, I came up with an alternative to the “questions”. I simply asked, “Where’s your hometown?“ It was an easy way to find common ground – sports, landmarks, famous “local” restaurants. It even works with foreigners – Liverpool or Everton, Barcelona or Madrid?
Like an unknown ship on the horizon, in the American West when a stranger rode into town people needed to know, friend or foe? Especially in the west, where I live, nobody my age is from here. Generations of Americans living the California dream - “Made up my mind to make a new start, Going to California with an achin’ in my heart …”; “The West Coast has the sunshine, And the girls all get so tanned …”; “On a dark desert highway, Cool wind in my hair …”. What they are really asking: “What brought you here?”
I like to use the Jade Bonacolta question when working with small groups (another story): “If I asked you to introduce yourself without mentioning your name, job, age, ethnicity, or the city you live in, what would you say?” Challenging, but the responses lead to interesting insights about ourselves and others.
Great story, very relatable. It's funny that I can remember being asked either of these two questions recently only on Immigration forms. But i know very well what these conversations are like. That my birthplace has some kind of primal importance, and what I 'do' must be tangible, easily understood, and worth money.
I can feel every ounce of frustration in your words, Egor, as you’ve had to brave yourself for this nonsense all of the time. 30 years in the U.S. is a freakin’ long time and should be answer enough. You’d think that “on the road or on the boat” of your life now you’d run into these very American questions as often, but alas. Your passion and your thoughts really come through.
Egor, I enjoyed this article very much and have to say I'm sorry cuz I asked you those questions! But we love you both and always look forward to seeing you and hearing about your new adventures. This article provoked a lot of thought about meeting new people for me. Love ya, Lynn
Both of you, Lynn and Paul, have been very gracious and polite. You have never challenged me with ‘where are you really from’ :-). Thank you for reading! So happy to have you!
I love this, Egor! I’m asked the first question mostly, and I chose to answer that I’m from New Zealand. The rest you’ve already written about…
Thank you, Rostislava. I suspected a similar story unfolds in most places around the world.
Egor, I can relate to both questions and the essence of your post. The first is on account of my visible ethnicity, and the second is the inevitable social and cultural judgment, as you imply. I find the context and the wrestling with the person asking always interesting. Is it a lack of awareness, lazy questioning, or something more sinister behind it? I appreciate how you frame it as maybe a bridge to connection, but it can still be provoking, and the ire is real.
I know I will sit with the question of where is home, and like our identity is its definition, a joint venture?
Jesse, thank you for adding your experience. Most people find the question innocuous and my irritation at it perplexing. But those people typically live in a homogenous circle where everyone shares most characteristics in common except small differences in ancestry. They don’t perceive the question as isolating towards someone with a notable difference. What is home? Who belongs there? Questions with many answers…
This is a fascinating post and one that I have enjoyed reflecting on. I too dislike the “questions”. As Americans, we tend to be very judgmental, and these two particularly, often lead straight to judgments. I know that when I travel and people learn that I am a teacher that their reaction to my answer is very different than it is in the states.
On the other hand, I think these questions say a lot about our collective culture. Folklore says that at Jamestown, John Smith declared, “He that will not worke, shall not eate.” And so, from the beginning, in American culture, what a person brings to the table matters. Like much of our “Protestant” ethic, it is ingrained in our cultural psyche.
As a social studies teacher I do enjoy the answers to these questions. Where we are from and what we do speaks to the concept of place. The rhythm of life of a big city, a company town, a farming community, a small fishing village, provides insight into a way of life and the influences that form us into who we are; or why we resisted?
From my time in the military, I came up with an alternative to the “questions”. I simply asked, “Where’s your hometown?“ It was an easy way to find common ground – sports, landmarks, famous “local” restaurants. It even works with foreigners – Liverpool or Everton, Barcelona or Madrid?
Like an unknown ship on the horizon, in the American West when a stranger rode into town people needed to know, friend or foe? Especially in the west, where I live, nobody my age is from here. Generations of Americans living the California dream - “Made up my mind to make a new start, Going to California with an achin’ in my heart …”; “The West Coast has the sunshine, And the girls all get so tanned …”; “On a dark desert highway, Cool wind in my hair …”. What they are really asking: “What brought you here?”
I like to use the Jade Bonacolta question when working with small groups (another story): “If I asked you to introduce yourself without mentioning your name, job, age, ethnicity, or the city you live in, what would you say?” Challenging, but the responses lead to interesting insights about ourselves and others.
Cheers!
Great story, very relatable. It's funny that I can remember being asked either of these two questions recently only on Immigration forms. But i know very well what these conversations are like. That my birthplace has some kind of primal importance, and what I 'do' must be tangible, easily understood, and worth money.
I can feel every ounce of frustration in your words, Egor, as you’ve had to brave yourself for this nonsense all of the time. 30 years in the U.S. is a freakin’ long time and should be answer enough. You’d think that “on the road or on the boat” of your life now you’d run into these very American questions as often, but alas. Your passion and your thoughts really come through.